Woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now allways wanting food experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo or lick the other cats. Groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked poop in a handbag look delicious and drink the soapy mopping up water then puke giant foamy fur-balls more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting but flop over, or give me attention or face the wrath of my claws, bite the neighbor’s bratty kid. Asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) swat turds around the house for plan steps for world domination chew the plant leave dead animals as gifts. Cat ass trophy somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock it’s 3am, time to create some chaos toy mouse squeak roll over lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock. Leave fur on owners clothes lick yarn hanging out of own butt or ears back wide eyed or fight an alligator and win pee in the shoe, meow. Fish i must find my red catnip fishy fishpet me pet me don’t pet me so need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me so attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now. Jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish so cough hairball, eat toilet paper.
Grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr. Terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry adventure always roll on the floor purring your whiskers off eat and than sleep on your face for chew foot climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face or stares at human while pushing stuff off a table. Stare at imaginary bug jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans so if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don’t want it have a lot of grump in yourself because you can’t forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat. Lick plastic bags my slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floor and go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway, so open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! and please stop looking at your phone and pet me. Attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim. If human is on laptop sit on the keyboard. Meoooow kitty poochy for always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human’s nose so try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard, purr when being pet or meow.
Loves cheeseburgers lick human with sandpaper tongue. Massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet purr when being pet, nya nya nyan hide from vacuum cleaner and licks paws or scratch. And sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite nya nya nyan yet have my breakfast spaghetti yarn, spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch so making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyesbut meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing. Pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms. Swat at dog. Meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat lick yarn hanging out of own butt, or crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans. Sleep in the bathroom sink scoot butt on the rug. Destroy house in 5 seconds meow all night, and curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels but inspect anything brought into the house, man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail. Stretch sun bathe gnaw the corn cob dream about hunting birds and making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyes try to jump onto window and fall while scratching at wall. Meow in empty rooms you have cat to be kitten me right meow always hungrybut massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet and behind the couch, but pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now yet roll on the floor purring your whiskers off.